I recently turned thirty and have been on a journey the last couple of years to discover what life looks like after an eating disorder as one ages. I googled aging and eating disorders but did not find many resources on these topics together. We live in an anti-aging society and it surprised me that aging has not been covered among a lot of eating disorder recovery content. Here are some initial thoughts to open up important dialogue on this form of body shame.
Whenever I find myself hyper-fixating on signs of aging, there’s an underlying fear about losing what has given me value in our world. We worship youthfulness in our culture and to age means losing certain privileges. These include being noticed, admired, and appreciated.
A huge identity crisis can occur when you’re used to being praised and valued for your appearance. The smallest changes in appearance can be extremely distressing since it disrupts this form of societal safety. Noticing the anxiety and validating the why is a helpful start. These changes tug at one’s powerlessness and loss of control about getting older.
Instead of seeking unhelpful forms of control, like past eating disorder behaviors or obsessing over skincare like I’m currently having to fight, I’m wanting to see the aging process as an opportunity to change my values. Whenever our identity is shaken, we can grieve the loss of what provided safety while finding refuge in a more stable form of security.
Life beyond cultural beauty and youth can be freeing. When your identity isn’t limited to cultural ideals, you’re given space for more important things to be cultivated – things that actually impact the world for good. Beauty doesn’t have to be equated with youthfulness and external perfection.
Something I’ve been praying for recently is for Jesus to shape what I think about beauty. Jesus is the most beautiful person in the world, not because He meets the world’s standards of beauty, but because of who He is and what He has done. His character and love for humanity are more beautiful than meeting any falsely constructed idea of beauty. In losing beauty as the world defines it, one is free to receive a timeless beauty defined by the creator of beauty Himself.